Why talk about suffering? Kind of gloomy, I know. Who’d want to spend the time writing on a topic, let alone commit an entire blog to the subject? I hope the mere existence of this blog will provide reasons to many fellow sojourners, that it is worth some needed exploration and reflection.
A place to begin
For many of us, the reasons to think about suffering, either our own or others, only surface when it’s right in our faces. However, what if we were more prepared to walk through suffering and alongside others experiencing suffering? The question of whether we will experience suffering is not an if, but a when. Perhaps, you’ve been in the camp of sojourners who’ve experienced very little suffering in life, or like me, you’ve seen and faced the heaviness of suffering. Whether it’s hit us personally, we will all come in contact with it in some way or form.
With that, I ask: what if our mindset towards suffering reflected a biblical, Christ-exalting perspective? Through my own suffering and others, I’ve developed a huge heart for those who are suffering and a passion to see other followers of Christ approach suffering in a way that is counter to the ways of this world. Together, I invite us into further reflection about why it’s important to develop a deeper, biblical view and theology on suffering.
But, before we dive into reasons why we should reflect on suffering, let’s address…
Ten Reasons Why We Don’t
1. We avoid the uncomfortable.
This reason may seem obvious, but it’s worth stating. In fact, you might think, why wouldn’t I avoid the uncomfortable? Avoidance is a means of easing our discomfort. Coined by psychologists long, fight, flight, or freeze is the way we respond to stressors; avoidance is a means of fleeing from a stressor or something uncomfortable. Simply put, we avoid talking about suffering because it makes us uncomfortable.
2. Thinking about suffering can lead us to feel negative emotions, i.e. the culprit behind the discomfort.
Let’s get real here: when was the last time you were happy to hear about a neighbor being assaulted or a friend receiving a chronic diagnosis? Those negative emotions (or as I like to describe to my clients, that which doesn’t make us feel “good”) can include sadness, despair, guilt, shame, anger, fear, anxiety, and a range of other unpleasant feelings. They may be difficult for us to handle and a reason why they’re hard to work through in Christ-exalting ways.
3. Suffering exposes our vulnerability.
For many of us, vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Our pride is a reason we hide the inner parts causing us shame. Many of us don’t intentionally show others our weaknesses. The world tells us the weak will not thrive or survive. If we stay strong (or at least, maintain the persona), we maintain our pride and the appearance of strength.
4. Suffering exposes our level of powerlessness.
Suffering forces us to admit our lack of control in some areas of our lives. It’s the reason we fight to stay in control of our lives with planning and organization. Many of us become anxious at the potential of losing control and uncertainty in circumstances, which we may see as a level of weakness. Additionally, our world rewards being in control and having power. Lacking such may lead us to question our identity, value, and purpose in life.
5. Discussions on suffering lead us to consider the reasons why.
Perhaps, the reasons why suffering occurs are a grand mystery to many. Numerous philosophers, theologians, and everyday people have explored this question. As humans who seek understanding of the world around us, the inability to find a suitable and agreeable reason may deter further reflection. Furthermore, countless people have questioned how a benevolent, loving God could permit suffering, and such a philosophical doozy may not be worth the headache!
6. Suffering is “bad”.
Merriam-Webster’s multiple definitions of “bad” include morally objectionable or evil; disagreeable or unpleasant; injurious, harmful, serious, or severe; suffering pain or distress, and sorrowful. How in the world can anything remotely close to good come from our suffering? If something is bad, it makes sense not to spend our time on it.
7. We just simply don’t know what to say!
Where do we even start with such an expansive subject? We want to be careful in light of others’ suffering, and we might not be ready to discuss our own. Finally, as my husband reminds me, often, it’s hard to know the right words to say, and this could be a reason why we don’t talk about it or say anything at all.
8. Sufferers just need to “suck it up” and “move on” already!
The idiom, there’s no reason to cry over spilled milk, fits soundly with this reason and rationale. That is, we might find there’s not really a reason to discuss suffering because it won’t change the situation. Particularly, we might not feel like we can make any change if it’s not a situation directly affecting us.
9. We don’t realize we or others are suffering.
We might be unaware or misinformed about what constitutes suffering. Because we are not aware, we can minimize the intensity or severity of our and others’ suffering, either on our own or others’ influence. We might be so busy with life that we don’t stop to consider how suffering is affecting others.
10. If it’s not happening now, then there’s no reason to think or talk about it.
Out of sight, out of mind is a common phrase relating to various parts of life. With this, we often respond to suffering retroactively, instead of being proactive. We might not even think suffering may ever happen to us. Either way, when the time comes, that’s when we’ll put in the effort to generate a deeper theology about suffering. Until then, we continue to focus on other matters of importance.
This list is not exhaustive, but it presents a start to various reasons we don’t reflect on suffering. Whatever the reason, it’s imperative and important to begin developing and strengthening our perspective on suffering because it is all around us. Before the world and our own experiences shape our understanding, as followers of Christ, we must fight for and cultivate a biblical view of suffering. If God instructs us on suffering, it is important enough for us to listen and learn through His word. We must consider how His instruction, truth, and promises affect and guide our walks as sojourners on this earth.
For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
PROVERBS 2:6 CSB
Look out for the next blog post, “Let’s Talk about Suffering: Here’s Five Reasons Why (Part 2)” to learn why a biblical view on suffering is crucial.