The holidays snuck up on me again. And with it, so did my grief.
It’s funny how life gets busy, and I can forget the same dates and holidays that come around each year. It’s easier to dive into trips, serving, the ins and outs of working with clients, spending time with friends…everything else–anything else but remembering that grief remains a part of my life. When I can go for a long time (meaning more than a month or two) and refrain from another grief release, it’s easy to forget my unwanted eight-year companion, Grief.
“Sneaky grief” holds the same pattern for me. The bouts of constant tearfulness over seemingly the “small” thing. Struggling to figure out why my mood swings while feeling foolish about my unruly emotions. The constant internal monologue and external processing. And then…something clicks, and I figure out it’s deeper than the superficial issue I’ve placed under a microscope. It’s none other than my grief, making its comeback with a bang!
The Predictability of Unpredictability
By now, I should have figured out my sneaky grief. It shouldn’t be sneaky in the least. Or at least that’s what I often tell myself.
I’m prepared for the predictable events that trigger my grief, such as my mom’s birthday, the day of holidays, the day she died (which I doubt I’ll ever work again), looking at pictures, or being reminded of something my mom would have enjoyed. Some unforeseen events, such as starting my counseling practice last year, trigger grief. Never in a million years would I have imagined becoming a small business owner, and one of my mom’s passions was business. Yet she wasn’t here for me to share every preparatory step and ask all my business-related questions about the practice.
Despite the unforeseen events, busyness is typically the culprit behind my sneaky grief. Busyness leads me to forget about my companion Grief, who rears its head when it’s been neglected too long. The same busyness that results in the holidays sneaking up on me is that same busyness that relates to me forgetting my grief over time.
I’ve learned there are going to be many future moments like this. They may become fewer and fewer as I face more life. I genuinely don’t know though, and that’s okay. For even when I’m still surprised by my sneaky grief, God is not.
A Very Present Help
The Lord brought Psalm 46 across my path when I needed the reminder last week. It’s always good for me to remember to be still before Him, as verse 10 reminds me. With the problem of busyness, being still before Him is the antidote that allows me to slow down. Even more, as I looked at the familiar passage, I needed to read verses 1-3:
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.”
In the hardest moments of grief, the earth has given way around me. Or so my feelings told me. I can completely understand the comparison between the difficulties of grief with the fierce elements of the earth in this Psalm.
Our Help and Hope
But here’s what I have to remember, and you, sojourner, must remember this too.
God, the Creator over all, is my refuge and strength. He is your refuge and strength.
He has not left me to grieve alone, and He hasn’t left you.
In fact, this verse reminds us that He is a “very present” helper. Other translations describe Him as “a helper who is always found in times of trouble” (CSB) and “a very ready help in trouble” (NASB).
You and I need this reminder because when grief sneaks up on us, we might feel helpless with what to do, subject to the weight and difficulty of sudden sadness, longing, and feeling “out of control”. But sojourners, we are not alone. God is our help, and His Spirit dwells within us (Romans 8:9). He promises to comfort us in ways we can never attain from other people or fleeting things on this earth (Psalm 23:1-4). His loving-kindness endures, even in our hardest moments, when we might feel unlovable (Psalm 23:6). He brings peace and calm in the storms of our darkness (Mark 4:35-41). His patience and compassion are like an overflowing river when others’ empathy and listening ears come to an end like a dried-up well.
We have incredible help and hope in God, and He is your helper when you grieve during the holidays. Whether you spend your holiday alone or with others, He’s present. Whether you have a plan to manage your grief or are caught off guard like me, God is ready.
He is the greatest presence for you and me as we grieve during the holidays.
“Blessed are those who mourn,
Matthew 5:4
for they will be comforted.”